Dear Valentine’s Day

Dear Valentine’s Day,

I’ve figured you out. I know what you’re about now. You’ve become a menace, and I’m here to stop you in spite of the sheer futility staring back at me.

At one point in time you were a Christian holiday started by some pope in honor of some saint. You could have had it all. You could have been second only to Christmas, and people of the free world would cherish your arrival and anguish your departure. No. That wasn’t good enough for you. You became a power-hungry fiend. You’ve been corrupted by greed. Most of all, you tried to commercialize something as pure as love. Have you no honor?

What is your true purpose? Is it to celebrate the bond shared between lovers once a year? No, that’s called an anniversary. Is it to allow lovers to shower each other in gifts once a year? No, that’s called a birthday. Cards on any other day look just as nice; chocolate on any other day tastes just as sweet. Don’t even try the “romantic date” argument. Any fool will tell you that the “romantic date” works just as well, if not better, on a spontaneous Tuesday than on a day when everybody else in the world is doing the same thing.

The Young Professional’s Arsenal #2: The Smart Phone

I think people mistakenly believe that the phone was invented so one person can talk to another person without that person being physically accessible. That’s a fair perception, except that it’s an anachronism. The phone was never about talking. The purpose of a phone is in essence to connect people. It always has been. Being able to talk to someone might have been the best method of connecting twenty years ago, but that has changed. The nature of being connected has completely changed. (By the way, shoutouts to my former employer Cisco for being ahead of the curve in defining connectivity in this new generation.)

The smart phone is a tool more than it is a phone. It allows you to connect to almost every avenue of communication that has ever mattered to you. It’s a way to update your digital presence (Facebook, Twitter, Google Latitude, online chat, etc.) without a computer. It’s a way to plan your evening when you’re already on the way. It’s a way to jog down notes and ideas when there’s no pen and paper to be found. Heck, I wrote most of this blog entry on my iPhone 3G during my commute today

Oh My! What a Shiny Diploma You Have

In October of 2010,  I met a woman named Maria. Maria lives in a dodgy area of Fremont, California with her sister. Between the two of them, they have five children in the household, one of whom is already grown up and works at a nearby Walmart to help with the bills and monthly expenses. Neither father of the aforementioned children are anywhere to be found.

Maria and her sister currently run a house cleaning service. They would travel to a customer’s house or apartment in a 1987 Toyota Camry, and extensively clean the place in one or two hours. They leave business cards and printed fliers by doorsteps in hopes that someone will pick it up as they walk into a less-than-spotless house and call the listed number. Business has been up and down; during most weeks they would go three or four days without any work. Maria decided to post a question on the popular forum Yahoo! Answers. In the question, she detailed the scope of her business and its current performance. She asked for advice on how she and her sister could improve what they’re doing.

One day, I was watching a rerun of How I Met Your Mother. During the commercial break, I got bored so I began browsing the web for random items to read. I happened upon Maria’s post and read about her current business. I began jotting down some basic things like what type of client base she would be catering to and what type of thought processes typically befall those who might consider hiring cleaning services. The show came back on, and I stopped halfway through my response.

The Young Professional’s Arsenal #1: Suit Up!

This is the first installment to a series that I have titled The Young Professional’s Arsenal. This particular post, however, would probably be more applicable to the men. I promise it won’t always be this way.

After stints in the fashion and beauty industries, I’ve picked up a few things about style and culture in New York, whether these things are perfectly reasonable or utterly irrational. As a young professional man living in a city that’s obsessed with style and culture, you’ll need to be equipped with an arsenal of weapons that perpetually assert your confidence in yourself, your career, your lifestyle, and even your choice of drink (mine is a blended scotch whiskey on the rocks, but more on that another time).

The first part of this series will detail one of the most important parts of your arsenal – suits. Yes, plural. If you are in your twenties and you only have one suit, it’s time to go shopping. I’m not saying you need to be Barney Stinson, but the art of “suiting up” needs to be versatile and adaptable. Below are four suits that you absolutely must own.

The All-Black All-Purpose Suit: If you only own one suit, this is probably the one you have. That’s good; keep it. This is a suit that you can wear when you need to be in a suit but wouldn’t really care to be. A slow day at the office would warrant the use of this one, especially if it’s raining or snowing and you don’t want to put your more precious outfits at risk. Black suits can come in many styles. If you want to look taller, I’d go for one that buttons up closer to the collar with three or maybe even four buttons. You don’t need to spend more than $150 on this particular item. I’ll bet the Men In Black organization got a great deal on them for buying in bulk. Same for the agents in the Matrix.

Why Do You Live in New York City?

“I’m so glad I live in New York City and not in the United States.”

That was a recent tweet from R.L. Stine, author of the popular Goosebumps series. Now, I doubt that R.L. Stine thinks New York City is located in Canada, so it’s more likely that he means this – New York City is so uniquely different in its culture, geography, demographics, and everything else under the sun, that no other place in the United States is like it. Not even a little bit.

This sparked my curiosity. I wondered why people decided to live in this spectacular oasis of the arts, literature, music, language, sports, dining, fashion and taxicab confessions. I mean, nobody is from New York City. Okay, maybe some people are from Brooklyn or from Queens, but nobody is from Manhattan, at least the parts of Manhattan that you’d actually visit.

I set out on a quest to find the answer – I spoke to commuters on the subway, coworkers, patrons at a bar, the waitress at a famous restaurant, a P.E. teacher at the nearby P.S. 198, and a former investment banker turned non-profit consultant. I asked them this question: Why New York?

I love the responses…

How to Be a Lakers Fan in New York City

First and foremost, you have to realize that while New Yorkers don’t necessary LOVE the Lakers (like boohoo Kobe scored 61 points in our house), they HATE the Boston Celtics. Heck, they hate all the Boston teams. In fact, I dare you to walk up to a guy with a Yankees cap and yell “Red Sox Rule!” or to a guy with a green Jets jacket and chant “Patriots! Patriots!” but spread it out like “Pay-Tree-Otts”. If they have Wi-Fi in the hospital you’re staying at, remember to post a comment here and let me know how many times you were kicked in the unmentionables.

To be a Lakers fan in New York City, you’ll have to be able to make the “Greatest Pro Sports Franchise of All Time” argument anywhere – this includes at the office, in a crowded restaurant, in a nightclub, and to the person in the next bathroom stall.

If you don’t feel entirely confident that you can defend this truth to the grave, please feel free to contact me and I will personally coach you, free of charge. For now, just know the three guys on the left and how they indisputably shaped the NBA that we know today.

Now, when New Yorkers find out you’re a Lakers fan, Knicks fans will want to tease you and say, “Where were you guys in the 90’s? The Knicks ruled the 90’s!” at which point you will need to correct them and say, “No, Michael, Scottie and the Bulls ruled the 90’s. Just ask Pat Ewing and John Starks.”

At this point, you’ll need to give them some time to wipe away their tears,

The Roads Not Taken

Every child has dreamed of being something. I know I can remember dreaming about being at least a dozen different things. Why didn’t these pan out? I don’t know, but enjoy the read anyway and please share yours as well.

1. Pilot: If you’ve ever been alive and conscious during the late 80’s, you’ll understand why. (Hint: Goose didn’t die for nothing)
2. Journalist: I wanted to work my way up from being a news writer to a network anchorman. I got a good taste of it all in high school but sadly never pursued it any further due to the fact that the college I went to did not have a journalism program for undergraduate students.
3. NBA Player: I can no longer use the “because I’m Asian” excuse, so I’ll just be honest. I can’t run super fast or jump super high, and my wingspan is 5’10” although I’m 6’ tall. In contrast, Kevin Durant is 6’9” with a wingspan of 7’5”. Kevin Durant can touch Yao Ming’s forehead and toes at the same time. I can’t even touch my own (if I were not physically occupying my own body and… oh you get the point).
4. Voice Actor: I’m actually quite proficient in the art of speaking with strange voices.Before I hit puberty, I was able to produce the voices of essentially every single one of the original 150 Pokemon. After puberty, the portfolio of 150 probably got cut in half. Also in my current repertoire are Stitch, Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Porky Pig, Bugs Bunny, Peewee Herman, Sean Connery, John Mayer (singing), Josh Groban (singing), Aaron Neville (singing), Michael Jackson (singing), and some other ones. No joke.